


What it takes to come alive

by OtterAndTerrier



Series: Ignite my circuits and start a flame [7]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Comfort Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Halloween Challenge, Hurt/Comfort, Porn with Feelings, Pre-Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, hanleiatrickortreat2020, sex before we die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:14:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27283990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtterAndTerrier/pseuds/OtterAndTerrier
Summary: An ill-fated mission brings Han and Leia face to face with a grim predicament. Surrounded by hungry monsters, without a way out or hope for a rescue, there's nothing to do but sit and wait for death. But sometimes, even a hopeless place can shed a light.A "trick" submission for theHan x Leia Trick or Treat Eventhosted at hanleiasecretsanta on Tumblr, for the prompt: “We’re trapped with no ammo and surrounded by enemies/monsters/creatures, do you want to do it before we die?”
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo
Series: Ignite my circuits and start a flame [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1282184
Comments: 14
Kudos: 55
Collections: Hanleia 2020 Halloween Trick or Treat Challenge





	What it takes to come alive

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to the hosts for bringing back this fun event, to **lajulie24** for her valuable help, and to the Scoundress Shippers chat for their encouragement and inspiration!
> 
> Title from Rihanna's "We found love", which is, of course, about a zombie apocalypse.

Han Solo had never believed in the Force, and he still didn’t. He believed in luck, which was nothing more than random chance working in your favour. In different circumstances, he would have believed luck had led them there, the only place for miles that hadn’t been infested and was solid enough to keep the… _things_ out, so they could rest and wait for a rescue party. Now, he thought that if some cosmic force had put that place in their path, it didn’t have their best interests in mind.

He looked around at the ramshackle building, once a warehouse of some sort.

The building wasn’t infested only because there hadn’t been anything interesting enough in there, nor an easy way in. Except that he and Leia trailblazing towards the entrance had suddenly made the place enticing. Now they were surrounded, and the creatures were trying to find a way in (which they _would_ , eventually, even if just by sheer brute force); all their electronics were dead or lost; and their blasters only had a couple of shots left, not enough to fight their way out. The rescue party that had been sent out for them probably believed them dead by now, after their contact had ceased abruptly. Or maybe they had been caught. He tried not to think of Chewie, of Luke, ripped open by the monsters, or safe but thinking he and Leia had been ripped open by the monsters. Neither scenario comforted him in that moment.

His stomach growled in angry protest, but he ignored it. His thirst was more pressing. The two dry protein cubes in Leia’s waist pack were the only edibles left, but without any water to swallow them, they were as good as licking the dust around them. How could they have known they’d need supplies? They had made a sweep of the place soon after making sure they were locked in. There was no working plumbing, no accumulated rain water or long-forgotten bottles of—anything. Han was sure he’d drink motor oil if he was desperate enough. It hadn’t been so long since they’d gotten there, but with all the running and fighting for their lives…

Sighing, Han realized his legs were beginning to feel tingly in their discomfort. He thought he should probably shift them, but he didn’t want to wake Leia up after all the convincing it had taken for her to lay down her head on his lap and try to get some rest. Han stared at her sleeping profile in the dirty sunlight that streamed through a broken window high above them: the small nose, the delicate lips that were currently marred with broken skin and dry blood, the long dark lashes curving against her cheeks, the freckle next to her nose that had always caught his eye. He felt something painful tighten in his chest. They should have never come here.

He hadn’t had a good feeling about this mission from the start. The planet had made the shadowfeed news for a rapid-spread pandemic of some sort a while ago. Then any official mention of its very existence had vanished from Imperial records. That was a common tactic under the Empire—pretend something had never existed. It usually meant that they’d ruined a planet so badly, it was of no use to anyone anymore (or they had obliterated it, in the case of Alderaan). Sometimes, it was to keep their secrets hidden, too. Han didn’t know which one it was this time. Maybe both.

Leia moaned very softly in her sleep. He risked laying a hand on her upper arm and brushed a finger softly over the torn sleeve of her shirt. Why hadn’t he listened to his gut until it was too late? He didn’t want to die. His survival instinct was too strong to make peace with the fact that it was very likely he would, soon. And yet, if he knew he could buy Leia a few minutes to escape safely, he would… but nothing short of a miracle could give him that chance.

In his lap, Leia stirred and woke up with a start, immediately sitting up. Bleary-eyed, she looked at him, then around them, and Han could see the moment confusion turned to despair.

‘I had a wonderful dream,’ she said quietly, turning back to him. ‘We were back on Hoth. Can you imagine, dreaming about Hoth and thinking that was wonderful?’ 

Han’s mouth twisted in a half smile. Right, he would have never imagined missing being back on Hoth as he did now.

‘I was running a drill, and then we were having dinner at the _Falcon_ , with Chewie and Luke,’ Leia continued. ‘Then Luke became my father, and he told me the noise was getting so loud, the Emperor was going to find out. I didn’t know what he was talking about. I asked if he knew where my mother was, because she’d promised to teach me how to braid my hair. And then you came in running, saying the wampas had gotten in, and I could hear them.’

Leia’s mouth hung open a little, her frowning gaze fixed on the barricaded door at the far end of the compound.

‘Except it wasn’t wampas I could hear. It was _them_. And it wasn’t a dream.’

‘No,’ Han said. ‘Not a dream.’

‘How long was I asleep for?’

‘Just under ten minutes.’

‘How long do you think we have?’ Leia asked, this time in a whisper.

Han looked at her for a long moment. They had been in plenty of desperate situations in the past, but she’d never seemed to lose her nerve or her fire. One look at her had been enough to know that she was not going to die without a fight. Now, there was only quiet resignation in her eyes.

‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘Could be an hour. Could be a day. Could be we starve to death first.’

Folding up her legs, Leia wrapped her arms around them and sighed.

‘Of all the ways I imagined dying,’ she said tonelessly, ‘this was not in the top fifty.’

‘You mean you never even considered the chance of bein’ ripped apart by a horde of brain-dead monsters while you huddled in a warehouse with me?’ Han asked. ‘That’s very short-sighted of you, Princess.’

Her mouth twisted in an attempt at a smile.

‘Oh yeah? What was that, your third most likely scenario?’

Han nodded. ‘I’d say. Gotta admit it’s more original than bein’ executed by one of Jabba’s thugs, or skewered with Vader’s lightsaber.’

‘I would have preferred my death to be as unoriginal as possible, thank you very much,’ Leia said dryly.

_Yeah. In your bed, of old age. Surrounded by the people who love you. After sticking it to the Empire._

The knot in Han’s chest tightened.

‘We’re not huddling, though,’ Leia said, interrupting his musings. He thought he’d heard her wrong.

‘Huh?’

‘You said we were huddling in a warehouse, in your scenario,’ she explained, ‘but we’re not actually _huddling_.’

‘Oh.’ He hesitated, giving her a questioning look. ‘You think that’s important, for accuracy?’

‘You know I appreciate accuracy,’ Leia answered seriously. ‘I’d die better knowing your exact prediction came true.’

Not everyone appreciated gallows humour, but in that moment, Han was glad it was Leia there with him. Then he remembered that Leia was _there_ with him, and he’d much rather she was anywhere else, safe.

He gave her a crooked smile and held out an arm.

‘Fine by me.’

Leia scooted closer until he could wrap his arm around her shoulders, and they both leaned back against the wall. Her head rested on his shoulder, and her arms slid around his waist. It wasn’t the first time she held on to him like that, but it was the first time it was this deliberate, like no part of her was struggling to keep him out. In return, he slung his free arm over her still folded legs, pulling her closer, as if he was shielding her in advance. He pressed a kiss on the crown of her head, stroking her shoulder. What was there to guard anymore? Han couldn’t think of any reasons why he should pretend like he didn’t care about her, like her… _love_ her. Maybe he’d tell her before the end. Not yet, though. He didn’t want their last moments to be spent in confusion or arguments or whatever his confession could dredge up. They weren’t at the end yet, not desperate enough to bare it all.

Leia’s nose brushed against his neck, and he felt her press her face on the crook under his jaw, her warm breath tickling his skin when she spoke. Despite the circumstances, the fear, the regret, he couldn’t help the faint ripples of arousal coursing through his body at the closeness.

‘Do you remember when we first met?’ she asked, oblivious.

Han chuckled.

‘’M not that old, sweetheart, of course I remember. Pretty memorable day, huh?’

‘I’d say. I was so confused by you. You were infuriating! I wasn’t used to people being so openly confrontational to me.’

‘Well, you had a bit of an attitude, too,’ Han replied. Leia ignored him.

‘You kept complaining at every turn as if that was everyone’s idea of fun but yours,’ she continued. ‘But when we needed a distraction, you didn’t even stop to think—you just ran like a mad man towards danger.’

‘I’ve been told that before.’

‘I’d never thought I’d admit this out loud but… that was… that made me feel a bit… _excited_ , at the time. Despite everything else.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Han asked, a concerning noise far ahead distracting him for a moment. Maybe they didn’t have that much time after all. Then his brain processed what she’d said. ‘Oh. Yeah?’

‘Mhm.’

‘I knew you liked me!’ he said triumphantly, a smug smile stretching across his face.

‘Well, sort of? I thought you were too old for me, at first. Those sideburns.’ She lifted her head just so she could grimace at him in distaste, then went back to her previous position. ‘But I did think you had a good smile, when you were smiling for real. And you could be caring, and brave, which I liked. But I also found you irritating when you were trying to hide all that, which was most of the time.’

‘Okay. That’s fair.’ What he wanted to ask was, _So how do you feel about me now?_ Instead, he found himself saying, ‘You made me mad, too, Princess. I didn’t like bein’ bossed around by you—or anyone. But I kinda liked the thought that you could kick my ass, if you ever wanted to.’

Leia laughed and her head rolled and rested on his shoulder until she was staring up at him. Some of her spark had returned to those deep brown eyes of hers, her white teeth blazing through the grime in a grin.

‘You’re right,’ she said, ‘I could kick your ass.’

There was a particularly impressive roar outside, and Leia straightened up as she shivered, her expression falling once more. Han held her tighter, cocking his head to listen. No breachings yet, he didn’t think.

‘You know,’ he started, trying to get them talking again in an effort to distract her (and himself) from everything else. ‘I came back to Yavin ‘cos I couldn’t have lived with myself if you and Luke got blown to pieces and I’d done nothin’ about it. But after that, I said, that’s it, you’re on your own now. I did my part.’

‘But you didn’t go,’ Leia said, her head leaning back on his shoulder again.

‘No.’

‘Because of Luke and me?’

‘Yeah. Yeah.’ Han sighed, staring at a forgotten scrap of durasteel on the floor.

‘I’m glad you didn’t,’ Leia said quietly. Then, in a drier tone, ‘Well, actually—you might have fared better if you had.’

‘Maybe. Maybe not. Truth is, I like living. But I think it’d been a while since I’d really felt alive…’ Han paused, looking down at her, and Leia, as if sensing what was coming, slowly lifted her head. ‘...till I met _you_.’

She let out a loud breath, and then it was hard to say what happened first: her hands pulling the back of his neck closer, her lips pressing hungrily on his, or maybe his arms wrapping around her back, and then Han was kissing her back like he’d wanted to kiss her for a very long time.

Everything else faded for several seconds as he was flooded with Leia: the groans and roars from the monsters were drowned by their choppy breathing and the smacking of lips; his stiff body forgave the hard floor under it as the soft, warm body pressed against his chest; his thirst and hunger were forgotten as a different type of craving was sated.

Leia shifted in his arms, still kissing him, and he realized she had wrapped her legs around his waist and was now sitting on his lap. Her hands untangled from his hair and slid down to cup the sides of his face as she stopped to catch her breath. Han opened his eyes and saw her staring back at him. He didn’t know what to make of her face: her brow was creased, her eyes a little dazed… and they were beginning to glaze over with unshed tears.

‘Leia,’ he said hoarsely.

She cleared up her throat and blinked. ‘We should’ve done that before,’ she whispered. ‘What was the point?’

Han couldn’t remember what the point was anymore. He swallowed, feeling like there was a rock lodged in his throat.

‘I don’t know.’

He’d thought about kissing Leia and holding her in his arms many times, but never like this. Considering what they were like, and the fact they’d met through an underground resistance movement, maybe it was always going to happen in the least romantic way possible.

Han brought a hand up to her face and brushed the back of his finger along her cheek. Leia’s eyelids closed at the touch.

‘Well,’ she said quietly, her arms circling his neck again, ‘I suppose it doesn’t matter anymore. We’re on borrowed time now.’

‘Yeah. What do you want to do about that?’

Leia stared at him for a bit, as if searching for something in his eyes.

‘I say we make it count.’

In response, he cupped her cheek and brought his lips down on her softly, pressing and pulling back, and then once more, before kissing her cheek and the spot behind her ear. Leia slid a hand back into his hair and guided him gently back to her lips. Her mouth opened and his followed, their tongues joining in a languid dance before pulling back and brushing against a lip. Leia shifted in his lap, the hollow between her legs fitting perfectly into him and accelerating his arousal. He hadn’t wanted to assume sex was implied, but she wasn’t doing anything to pull back—if anything, she was rocking slowly against him now, as one of her hands stroked his chest through the gap in his shirt.

He pulled back from her; Leia looked like she’d forgotten where they were for a while. That was good. He’d do anything to make her forget, to make what was coming a little easier to bear.

‘Do you want to keep going?’ Han asked.

‘Yes. If you want to.’

Part of him felt that it was wrong to do this now—the same part that insisted this had to be a horrible nightmare, that he was asleep in his bunk on the _Falcon_ that was docked back on Hoth. It was wrong to have sex right there and then. They should be looking for a way out, a plan, even though they’d already done that with little success. They should be praying to every god they’d ever heard of, or maybe clinging to each other and crying, despite the fact their shared skepticism would render every prayer hollow, and that they’d already done the huddling and crying, sort of. He felt disgusting, terrified and hopeless—hardly a good setup for romance or sex. 

The other part of him was in agreement with the natural response from his body. It told him that he had wasted too much time trying to pretend like he didn’t want to be with her, then convincing himself that he couldn’t, and now, after cheating death so many times, he had reached the end of his rope and was holding on to it with her. This part of him knew there was no way out, no plan, no rescue. And while sex wasn’t a substitute for romance, or love, or a lifetime of shared moments… well, it was pretty much all they had.

He looked at her flushed cheeks, her swollen lips and bright eyes. Even in the most awful of circumstances, he couldn’t be more attracted to her if he’d tried.

‘Yeah. Make it count, right?’ he said. Leia smiled and kissed him before moving off his lap. She looked around, making sure there wasn’t anything on the floor before she grabbed his hand and laid down. Han followed her, feeling himself pulled in like a magnet. 

‘My hands are dirty,’ he warned her as he hovered over her, which she was probably capable of realizing herself.

‘I’m dirty, too. What are you afraid of?’ Leia asked with a teasing smirk.

‘Ha! Afraid? I could think of several things, sweetheart. But right now, I don’t want to.’

‘Good,’ she whispered, untucking his shirt from his trousers and running her hands over his abdomen. 

He sank down into her lips again, her hands stroking him hungrily all over, their legs tangling until their hips were grinding together over their clothes. Bracing himself on one arm, he slid his free hand over her shirt, but the pocket at her breast got in the way. He moved down and found her waist pack blocking the access to her trousers. 

Leia laughed weakly at his exasperated grunt and pushed him off. She unbuckled her waist pack and began to undo her shirt, but Han lay a hand on top of hers.

‘Wait. I don’t wanna go writhin’ naked on the floor, do you?’ If he had to kick it, he’d rather it was a little more dignified than that. 

‘Good point.’ Leia lifted her head and looked around. ‘Crate?’

He followed her eyes towards the group of sturdy durasteel boxes they’d rummaged through earlier. Not finding anything, they’d tried to see if they could at least use them to reach the windows, but they were too high and too small and the crates didn’t do any good. It seemed they wouldn’t be so useless after all.

‘Crate,’ he agreed, pushing himself off the floor and offering a hand to Leia. He chose the smallest one and replaced the lid, then pushed it against the wall. When he turned back, Leia was pulling him to her again, kissing him while her hands undid his belt. She dropped it after removing the blaster and handing it over to him along with hers, and he placed them both on top of the nearest box, close at hand. Then he pushed his trousers and underwear down to his knees before sitting down—too forward too soon, in any other circumstances, but it was easier than having to do it later. Leia didn’t object; she swung a leg over his hips and kneeled on the crate, his hands holding her by her waist and ass. She fumbled with the buttons of her shirt until, with a frustrated groan, she tugged and her buttons popped off in all directions. Han found himself gaping at how impossibly hot that was. Laughing at his face, Leia bent down to kiss him; then she held onto his head as his mouth and hands set to explore her body. They didn’t know how much time they had left—they couldn’t take too long, just in case. Even so, if this was going to be the first and last time they got to do this, he didn’t want it to be a quick, meaningless fuck. He couldn’t.

He unzipped her trousers and slid a hand between her legs, moving his fingers back and forth over her underwear.

‘ _Han_ ,’ she gasped. Her body arched against him when his fingers moved between her folds, soaking through the thin fabric, and her breasts pressed into his face. He rubbed his tongue against her nipple, taut under her bra, and sucked.

‘ _OhHanplease_ ,’ she let out in a strangled voice, her hands pulling his hair in a way that should have been painful, but instead urged him on. Fuck, he would have given anything to kiss her, and lick her, and suck her there until she came undone. ‘I need you now,’ Leia said then, covering his hand with hers but not removing it yet, only pressing it harder against her.

‘You need me?’ he asked into her ribs. ‘Say that again.’

‘Yes, _I need you_.’

They shifted and pulled her clothes the rest of the way down to her ankles; then she grabbed his cock and slowly pushed herself down on him until she was nearly sitting on his lap, and her mouth came down hotly on his.

There was a loud crash in the direction of the entrance. Han reached for his blaster before he’d even broken the kiss and they froze, looking into the distance. There were more shadows in the warehouse than before. It wouldn’t be long until they were completely in the dark.

‘They’re getting in,’ Han said after a minute, cold terror running down his back. Nothing came, but he was sure they’d gotten past the first barricade at last.

Leia turned his face gently back to hers.

‘Let’s not worry about that yet. Not right now. Just look at me,’ she told him, and she probably hadn’t meant it as a command, but Han wouldn’t have dreamed of disobeying. She slid up his shaft, and down again, her hips rocking against him. Her hands tore his shirt open and ran over his chest and shoulders, then pushed him back slightly until he was leaning back on his elbows, thrusting into her. Leia cried out once as their bodies joined faster, deeper; Han dimly thought he should tell her to be quiet, but he couldn’t give a fuck at the moment, not when her name was spilling out of his mouth along a barely intelligible string of curses and encouragement. She’d told him to look at her and so he looked, memorizing her face in the throes of pleasure, the bouncing of her breasts, the halo of flyaway hairs coming out of her crown of braids. Her pubic bone rubbed urgently against him, until something inside of her contracted around his cock as Leia moaned, and then he couldn’t look at anything else for a few seconds as her orgasm set his off.

When he came to, he was slumping back with his head lolling awkwardly against the wall, and Leia was leaning forward slightly, her hands braced on her thighs. He sat up again and wrapped his arms around her waist as they shifted, Leia’s legs locking behind him, her forehead resting against his chin. Han kissed her temple, then her lips when she tilted her head up, and they stayed in each other’s arms for a few minutes. The reality of their situation was descending upon him again, slow and heavy as a bantha wool blanket. The noises felt closer now, though not advancing on them yet—they’d know when that happened. Anger and sorrow bubbled in his chest once more, and he hugged Leia closer, his large hands stroking her back. Leia left small kisses near his ear, where her face was pressed, and he thought she might be feeling the same. 

It was fucking unfair.

‘We should get dressed,’ she said at last, looking up. He could tell from her bloodshot eyes that she had been trying not to cry. Han swallowed painfully and nodded. So had he.

They fixed themselves up as best as they could in silence, then sat side by side on the crate, holding their blasters on their laps, staring at the way they’d come through, as the shadows grew longer around them and the entrance looked like a gaping mouth. Leia’s hand reached out for his, and he threaded his fingers with hers. Eventually, exhaustion would beat them and they would fall asleep, maybe without even noticing. Would the creatures come for them then? Would they wake up in the night, stiff with terror, and realize too late that their time was up? Or would they wake up tomorrow and have to go through another long day without food or water, with danger taunting them just barely out of reach, and then another night, and another day, slowly driving them mad, until they looked at each other and knew that there was one possible use left for the shots in their blasters?

‘Hey,’ Leia said softly, pulling him out of his oppressive thoughts. He looked at her and she nodded at their joined hands and grimaced in pain—he had been squeezing too hard.

‘Sorry,’ he croaked, feeling again the scratchiness in his throat, and loosened his grip, but she didn’t pull back her hand.

‘I’ve been thinking,’ she said, her eyes fixed on the floor, ‘I’ll go on my terms. I’ll check out before they can get me. The last shot—’

‘Yeah.’

Leia looked up at him and smiled tiredly.

‘I’m glad we had sex,’ she told him after a pause. Han brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles.

‘Me too.’

‘Now if we could only have a stiff drink, I’d be set to say my last prayers.’

Han laughed.

‘Do you want to?’ he asked. ‘Say any prayers?’

Leia shook her head. ‘If there’s any god out there, I don’t believe I’m on their roster. Not since Alderaan. What about you?’

‘Nah. If there’s any god out there,’ he said, echoing her words, ‘they’ve been a pain in the ass more than anything else.’

 _Although they did bring me to you_ , his mind reminded him silently.

They couldn’t have said how much time passed after darkness swallowed them, only that every minute felt like an age. Without anything to focus their sight on, their eyelids felt heavy as lead, the dark lulling them to the embrace of its lover, sleep. ‘You awake?’ they would ask at intervals, and the intake of the other’s breath would tell them that they hadn’t been. They started squeezing each other’s hands as a reminder not to give in, but soon realized it was not enough. Leia’s hand fell limply out of Han’s, so he squeezed her knee. She startled awake, and he didn’t take his hand off, rubbing a thumb along her thigh soothingly.

‘That’s just going to make me fall asleep harder,’ Leia whispered—they had taken up to whispering now, it seemed more fitting.

‘Sorry,’ he whispered back. ‘What do you want to do?’

‘Try higher.’

‘What?’

His hand was lifted up and pressed into something round—her breast.

He snickered and said, ‘Really?’, and that was the last word between them for several minutes, as they found out that kissing and fondling each other were actually pretty good to keep them awake, even in the dark. Where their touch had been tender before, nails and teeth came out to play now, careful yet rousing. It was too dangerous to move around too much in the warehouse now, so after their necks and legs had cramped from sideways maneuvers, they pulled away, breathless, half-satisfied, half-bursting with rekindled desire.

The dead of night found them leaning back against the wall, Leia’s head on his shoulder, Han’s on top of her head, arms linked together; too far gone into the land of oblivion to hear the wails and groans anymore.

They didn’t notice the noise of a starship’s engine approaching, either, nor the light that suddenly turned the tiny windows above them into brilliant white lamps for a moment.

When the roof went _boom!_ , though, they were awake and jumping to their feet, heart galloping in their chests, too exhausted and drowsy to try to figure out what was going on.

‘I love you,’ Leia said, reaching for his hand for the last time.

Despite their earlier talk, it felt like a prayer in his heart when he said it back.

Blasters and eyes pointed upwards, prepared to face this new horror.

A second _boom!_ rattled their bones, and they shielded their eyes against the glare as the roof caved in and something shot down.

There was a roar, but of a different kind than the lifeless, ravenous ones outside—this one was as familiar as the engine Han could now hear clearly above them.

‘Chewie?’ Han asked, his voice breaking down halfway.

‘[Who else? You didn’t think I’d given up on you two, cub, did you?]’ the Wookie roared over the noise.

 _Not on my life_ , Han thought and, with Leia right beside him, he ran towards their salvation.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, their first stop will be a medcenter for a full health check-up and the morning-after pill.
> 
> Thank you for reading! If you liked it, please leave a kudos and/or comment before you go :)


End file.
